Like all conglomerated food moustaches, the slaw moustache is not for beginners. Often made from a mixture of cabbage and carrots, the slaw moustache must be bound with mayonnaise or, for a healthier stache, olive oil. A failure to bind the primary ingredients it a common folly of beginner slawstachers. Little is known of the slaw stache’s origins, although it was prevalent at picnics and box socials as far back as the 18th century. The famous feud between Thomas Jefferson and John Adams is often attributed to a disagreement over the role of the slaw moustache in the young Republic. Although Adams’ final words, July 4, 1826, are famously recorded as "slawstaches win," in fact, they had not won, as Jefferson had died mere hours before at Monticello.
The slawstache may be worn year round, though it is only considered fashionable in the mid-Atlantic states. Damn you, Adams!
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